.buzz off.

i am freaking pissed off now. i regret writing the few recent entries. why the hell am i doing and thinking???? they dont deserve anything from me at all. appreciate them more? f off. i am sorry. my attitude towards them now is just hatred. why all the bullshit? thanks for being such a mean and stingy person to everyone. we do not owe you a living. i want to get out of this damn filty freaking place. i want to leave. i know escaping is not the best and the only solution to problems. all i know is that i will be able to breathe and think like a normal person outside. stop forcing me. stop giving me crap. i have enough of everything for the past 18 years. if you want to give me more, buzz off. i dont welcome you at all. i dont wish to see you at all. the sight of you makes me want to puke everything i have eaten for all my life. you just suck, seriously. i have lost all my damn respect for you. u will receive none from me. nothing from me in the future at all. i will be independent. i am not going to live off you anymore. i have enough. just stop giving me false hope and creating illusions in my head. i hate it when my hopes are dashed. you enjoy seeing people crying right? fine i will grant you your wish and cry all i want until i go blind. isnt that great? i wont be able to witness the cruel reality of the shit i am in now. you told me before you tried very hard to build everything from scratch. but you destroyed everything with a non living thing within a night? why do you become so heartless and inhumane? i thought you should have learnt your lesson in the most painful way anyone can endure. why cant you just mend your ways and be nice. i thought everything is finally over. but what the f. i was wrong. one comes after another. you think i am a bloody strong isnt? you think i can handle a blow after another. well, yes i am. i am going to endure all the shit and spit it back into your face. thanks for all the memories and making my childhood and teenhood such a wonderful experience. why on earth am i able to buy such experiences? non living thing???? you actually choose the damn non living things over the feelings of others. damn you! all you care about is yourself and damn non living things. bring all the shit to your grave. i dont care much about them. yesyes, you did everything because you are still angry. you cant think calmly and properly. f off. i thought a day is enough for you to sort out your thoughts but why is the situation not improving at all? it gets worses and i am sure it will be not much better in the next few days. you think you are the only one who is suffering in silence? hello!!!!!!!!! wake up!!!!! who is the victim here? who inflicts all the pain in me and everyone else?

i just want to get out of this place. how i wish i am working now. i will have the financial ability to make my both ends meet. i will be able to do anything that i like because i will be officially an adult. cant stand a moment in here with you. i am tired of pretending that everything is fine. i am exhausted.